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Recently I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot. Although I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man, I’ve had my share of rough breakups in the past. There is one breakup that sticks out to me the most: the time I was broken up with in a pool. Yes, it does sound funny to me now as well. The funnier thing is that it wasn’t even a significant relationship. In fact, it was sort of a rebound boyfriend but I used this breakup to get over multiple ex boyfriends in a weird way.
After this breakup, I was initially crushed. I had stayed in my college town for the summer for the first time. He was one of the only people I knew in town that summer. Luckily I had a great support system and I was able to focus on what matters most: myself.
In a way, this breakup was the catalyst in finding myself.
Today I want to share my best advice for getting over a break up and growing as a person through this journey. Let’s jump right into it:
Set a Goal: the most significant thing I did after this break up was train and complete my first (and only) half marathon. I was never a runner but I worked as a personal trainer and was extremely into fitness. One of my friends convinced me to sign for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in San Francisco. Although I worked out a lot, I didn’t do much cardio and found it challenging (because running is exhausting…). I secretly assumed I wouldn’t actually complete the half marathon but when this break up happened, I knew I had to make it happen. I set up a training plan for myself and hit the streets three mornings/week. As I blasted “Rolling In The Deep” and pushed through that last (and steepest) hill at the end of each run, I knew I was getting stronger and riding myself of the pain from my past relationships.
Spend Time Alone: immediately after this break up, I realized that I did not like being alone. I had been in several relationships back-to-back and a lot of my confidence had come from having someone else by my side. This was the prime opportunity to learn to enjoy my own company. This was the hardest yet most beneficial lesson I learned. I started small with at-home movie nights alone and graduated to taking myself on dates (I love going to the movies solo now) and day trips (shopping in Santa Barbara). At first I felt awkward but I learned to love doing things alone and the best part is: you don’t need to follow anyone else’s schedule–it’s kind of awesome. This skill helped me immensely when I moved by myself to New York City to start graduate school. I didn’t know a single person and needed this skill (of loving my along time) to stay happy. Now I value my date nights AND alone time equally.
Listen to Empowering Music: music soothes the soul. I cannot tell you how many times I felt a a certain way, listened to a song, and suddenly experienced an entirely different emotion. During this particular break up, I listened to a lot of empowering female artists (Beyonce, I’m talking about you) and still associate those songs with growing into my own person. I personally really like this, this and this song.
Listen to Empowering Music: music soothes the soul. I cannot tell you how many times I felt a a certain way, listened to a song, and suddenly experienced an entirely different emotion. During this particular break up, I listened to a lot of empowering female artists (Beyonce, I’m talking about you) and still associate those songs with growing into my own person. I personally really like this, this and this song.
Treat Yo Self: I want to preface this by saying—don’t drown your sorrows in Ben and Jerry’s. What I mean by my favorite quote from Parks and Rec is: treat yourself to fresh flowers, manicures, and massages. You need to fall in love with yourself and treasure yourself therefore you deserve the best!
These things made a huge difference in my life and finding myself after a rough break up. I hope these tips help you as well.
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